KFC doubledown is back. Really unhealthy but really good. Hopefully when this cold is easing I’ll get to have one. The cold is really kicking my arse. My legs get weak and trembly after walking a block. Headachy, sore muscles, general crappyness. It’s a cold, I’ll survive, just sucks at the time. I have become addicted to rice noodles. I… (more…)
Heard an ‘interesting’ bit of information today. Apparently I am faking the extent of my disability because on Friday I was able to perform well in the job. Becuase I was in a room I didn’t know, with people I didn’t know and still managed to get the job done then I am making up my disability. I can sort… (more…)
So we’ve been invited to Megan’s place on Saturday for a sort of postgrad get together. And I have no idea whether I should go or not. Megan just assumes I will, that she will be coming to pick me up. There is a big part of me that wants to say hell no, simply because she’s acting like I… (more…)
I’ve never liked the idea of love. People talk about love and I shut off, I tend to think of it as bullshit and have little respect for those that tout it as the ultimate goal. Love is something I have no time for, and no interest in. I’ve always put this down to my cynicism. People say I love… (more…)
In no particular order The Hobbit Graduation Enrolment Scholarships Birthday Christmas Summer Holidays Unexpected emails Joyce’s death Medical treatments Some of these are new and unexpected, some just long standing pain. All of them have their own specific issues, their own specific memories, and trauma and distress. I feel like I’m suffocating maybe, that breathing is a struggle. I know… (more…)
I’ve really had a fucked up day. My brain is all over the place. Even when one person can remain stable their thinking gets all weird. I’m not sure. Part of it is my leg and we are worried about the edema issue. If I stay in bed with my legs up my feet look like human feet, if not… (more…)
So the last couple of days I’ve had Holly on block. No big deal, just moved on. But then today I’m sitting watching Top Chef when suddenly there’s a bleep and it seems she’s messaged me on Facebook. It’s another story of someone she dated and the massive drama around it all. Everyone she goes out with ends in massive… (more…)
I have reached a tipping point between my hurt and my loneliness. I am talking about my relationship with Holly. A number of people have asked me over the months why I’m still friends with Holly considering everything, and the answer to that is both simple and pathetic. I put up with it because I’m so terribly lonely. Yes I… (more…)
Well the snow came, and heavy. By the TV Christchurch got it worse, but I’m not sure. I think the focus there was because of all the earthquakes. And yeah, even if Dunedin got a lot of snow it wasn’t like we had to walk out to the pavement to use a portaloo in the middle of a snow-filled night.… (more…)
I’m sick so this is all disjointed. I’m not very good at starting and building friendships, but I am very good at ending them. There is a lot I will put up with, I will often put up with too much, but then there comes a point when I say no more. When I reach that limit nothing will change… (more…)