In no particular order The Hobbit Graduation Enrolment Scholarships Birthday Christmas Summer Holidays Unexpected emails Joyce’s death Medical treatments Some of these are new and unexpected, some just long standing pain. All of them have their own specific issues, their own specific memories, and trauma and distress. I feel like I’m suffocating maybe, that breathing is a struggle. I know… (more…)
A couple of people emailed me with suggestions about how I could finance a tablet. Thank you for that information, but the fact is a tablet isn’t something I need, it’s not essential for my study or planned future. It’s just a really cool gadget that I saw and when “ohh shinyâ€. Yes if I had gotten a $20 000… (more…)
I’ve really had a fucked up day. My brain is all over the place. Even when one person can remain stable their thinking gets all weird. I’m not sure. Part of it is my leg and we are worried about the edema issue. If I stay in bed with my legs up my feet look like human feet, if not… (more…)
A friend recently asked me how I am about birthdays. And quite honestly I’m crap at them. My own are a minefield of pain and trauma and craparse messages that won’t go away. Other people’s birthdays, well as long as they can cope with me being unable to say the words ‘happy birthday’ I’m fine with them. There have been… (more…)
So now I have my journal back, I need to write about something I suppose. I had written one early, when I first found out my journal wouldn’t work. Mostly that was complaining about my leg wound, and how Civ keeps freezing my computer. But that seems old hat now. I mean, yeah my leg is still an issue. I… (more…)
So this is going to be a long length of craziness, just to warn you. Last time I wrote here it was because I failed my Masters. I got a letter than when read showed that we had failed. We spiralled out of control, fortunately there were others to step up and take over. Sure there were issues, and I… (more…)
I am almost sick. Yesterday I was actually sick but talked to Sean about all the issues I have about being sick and that was scary enough that I managed to push the sickness away. My fear about being sick so outweighs my body’s need to be sick. This morning it was back, but not nearly as bad, more just… (more…)
So I’m down at University for the first time in weeks. (I’ve been doing the crazy chick routine hard on for a few weeks). I really want to say it’s gone well, spin it into something positive and promotional, but really it’s just sucked. I have written 56 words, and found a video converter so I can add clips to… (more…)
It’s an odd thing. I don’t want attention, or any celebration. Hell, the two other students trying to make a big deal about it sent me deep into flashback. But at the same time it feels so anti-climatic. Two years of intense work, a lot of time and energy and, I don’t know it sounds a little corny, but a… (more…)
So to start there was therapy. A huge mess. I don’t even know where to start, how to start explaining how much of a disaster that was. And to be honest, I’m not entirely sure I even remember a third of it. However, that said, I think we quit. I’m just not sure whether it was a threat of quitting,… (more…)