We have put on so much weight lately. There is a slight fear that we may actually be pregnant since we haven’t had a period since December. But our periods are always irregular and well our sex life is unusual as in not much of our sexual activity includes penetrative sex. It isn’t exactly impossible that we are pregnant, and the whole removal of the penis before ejaculation isn’t known as the best contraceptive method. Still I think the weight gain is about inactivity and overeating, especially when we aren’t smoking we make up for it by eating. So I need to go to the doctor and make sure I am not pregnant and actually get off my arse and do some exercise and start trying to watch how much we are eating. I am thinking of starting to eat breakfast and not eating as much in the evenings. This is mostly because my weight is starting to feel uncomfortable on me.

My weight issues are huge, they have always been huge. We hate that we are fat, we think it makes us inferior to other people, not just physically but in every other way. It’s easy for us to feel inferior. We had our post-grad meeting today. We were the only one doing the post-grad diploma all the rest of the group was doing either Masters or PhD. We still feel we shouldn’t really be there and that the other people will think we have nothing of value to add. So with that, and us feeling all fat and disgusting, we just wanted to run away and hide. I am not sure I will be going to the next one, those feelings of insecurity are too high.

I just got off my arse and stepped for 20 minutes. Now I know that isn’t very long but I thought instead of sitting here bitching about being so fat I should get back to doing something about it. We used to do 30 minutes three times a week for about 3 months and felt so much better about it. I don’t think we ever lost any weight with it, but it felt like we were being active and it helped with our body. So maybe if I can do this 20 minutes every day and when we get better at it increase the time it will help too. Regardless it is better than sitting here going woe is me I’m so fat. I did keep going even when the stitch started and all I could think about was stopping and sitting back down. And now I am pouring with sweat, although I think part of that is because its so damn hot and muggy today.