I’m so close to dropping out it’s scary. Or is it a relief. I don’t know. Don’t tell me it’s just stress, don’t tell me everyone feels this way, don’t tell me I can do it, or it’s so close to being over. Just don’t tell me that, I don’t give a damn. I want to resign, drop out. Anything else is a fucking joke. I got my thesis back yesterday and it’s full of things that aren’t good enough. The joke is a lot of those things were things that she originally said was good, so it’s all been some fucking joke. I am not good enough, I shouldn’t’ be doing this. And I can’t fucking handle the emotional terror that comes with it. I’m tired of suffering and fighting and collapsing. I’m just tired of being the one that always pays, that has to be ok. Everything I say and think narrows down to me going in tomorrow and just dropping out. The reason I haven’t yet isn’t some positive desire to beat this, to get my degree. It’s just I think its too late, I think that when I drop out the suffering won’t go away. Screwed if I do, screwed if I don’t. If I do though then I’ll draw attention to myself and I try to avoid that. Smile, be there for everyone else, do the right thing, just keep your craziness to yourself, don’t make others have to see, deal, or in any way acknowledge with it.