Iâ€™m so close to dropping out itâ€™s scary. Or is it a relief. I donâ€™t know. Donâ€™t tell me itâ€™s just stress, donâ€™t tell me everyone feels this way, donâ€™t tell me I can do it, or itâ€™s so close to being over. Just donâ€™t tell me that, I donâ€™t give a damn. I want to resign, drop out. Anything else is a fucking joke. I got my thesis back yesterday and itâ€™s full of things that arenâ€™t good enough. The joke is a lot of those things were things that she originally said was good, so itâ€™s all been some fucking joke. I am not good enough, I shouldnâ€™tâ€™ be doing this. And I canâ€™t fucking handle the emotional terror that comes with it. Iâ€™m tired of suffering and fighting and collapsing. Iâ€™m just tired of being the one that always pays, that has to be ok. Everything I say and think narrows down to me going in tomorrow and just dropping out. The reason I havenâ€™t yet isnâ€™t some positive desire to beat this, to get my degree. Itâ€™s just I think its too late, I think that when I drop out the suffering wonâ€™t go away. Screwed if I do, screwed if I donâ€™t. If I do though then Iâ€™ll draw attention to myself and I try to avoid that. Smile, be there for everyone else, do the right thing, just keep your craziness to yourself, donâ€™t make others have to see, deal, or in any way acknowledge with it.
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Because we really are this depressive right now