It’s been an interesting few days.   The hurt of disappeared friendships is almost vanished.  They weren’t intense friendships, and they weren’t for very long, but the process of them disappearing involved a lot of hurt, and we had to go through the process of releasing that hurt back to where it came from.  We haven’t quite made it fully to the other side but the signs are good and life is becoming healthy (in relation to this) again.   I also think part of the reason the friendships vanished in such a flaring way was they were not built on a strong or even slightly stable base.  They developed as we struggled to hide from the world, from ourselves and from anything that was hard and jagged and real.  A friendship built on that basis is not a friendship that will endure or grow.  And that is only speaking of things from my side.  I can not say what was in the minds of the others, but I now suspect they had their own unhealthy needs they were meeting by it all.  I have my suspicions what some of those needs were, but as I said I can not see inside the minds of others to be able to confirm those suspicions.  But regardless I am pleased that I am coming out the other side of this adventure, learn what I can from it, and heal the wounds of hurt. 
 

These friendships were not the ones that were there before the hiding came.  They were never meant to replace or destroy those old established friendships.  I do not know of the old friendships all remain intact, they had to endure a lot of neglect.  But that neglect was separate from the friendships that came from hiding, that neglect would have happened regardless.  We had disappeared from the world, that world is where those friendships live, for they are real and multi-dimensional, they hold good and bad and indifferent.  The nature of friendship is it is too deep, too layered to ever only be one thing, to ever only be good or happy.  Friendship, like other intimate relationships holds strength and weakness, good times and bad, and the continuing journey through life.  Some of those friendships have reconnected, some have put feelers out that the reconnection is there waiting, others remain silent.  I do not know if any are lost, I do know that not all were abandoned.  I am grateful for those would waited us out.