I went down to university today. I got a lot of work done, talked to a lot of people, both socially and academically, although for me those things are sort of the same, to be able to talk about research and theory with other people doing their own research is really fun. It was a good day, I felt energised by it, although now I’m home I’m exhausted.
I think being out of the house, around people, using my brain, is not just mentally exhausting but it tires out my body. I get the feeling that I am going to sleep well tonight. I’m back to being motivated with my study, love the work I’m doing, the challenges that I face. I wish I had an extra $20 a week I can spend on bus fare so I can get down there every day. But that said, I probably would freak out if I had to do it every day. I’m not entirely comfortable around the people that use the room. Most of them are nice, and welcoming but my issues get in the road where I am terrified of being stuck in close quarters with them. There’s one woman, she doesn’t work in the same room but she comes in and out of it, that freaks me out. I’m not sure why, she’s never said anything bad to me, but the one word I get when I am around her is “bullyâ€. That’s what she feels to me, so I close down and back off when she’s in the room. The rest, they are open and friendly. Today I had a long talk with one of the guys which was really interesting in an academic discussion of theory way. Last time I was down I had a long talk on more social stuff with another woman.
I’m feeling this really good combination of energised exhaustion. I feel inspired and focused. I am hoping to get down again next week, to work on things down there to maintain this feeling, this connection with what I’m doing.