No wonder I was so cold last night. I even layered up just to get some sleep. This morning was so hard to get out of bed. I had planned to get down to school early, but I couldnâ€™t drag myself out of bed until after 9. By the time I got everything done, and headed to the bus stop it was almost 10. And still at mid morning the ground was still frozen and the ice and frost was heavy. It was so damn cold.
School was productive. I got all the letters done and posted them out to schools. Itâ€™s the first step in the actual research part of my research. Up until now Iâ€™ve just been reading and writing theory sections of my thesis. I knew I was going to head out to schools but it seemed vague, something Iâ€™d do … eventually. Actually making first contact with the schools has made that seem a lot more real.
Iâ€™m equally excited and terrified about the idea. I want to do research, interviewing, observing. I am excited about doing it. Itâ€™s a challenge and a new experience and on some levels fun. That said, Iâ€™m fucking terrified. Iâ€™m going to have to do something I have no previous experience with. I am going to be out in public, going to have to appear not just normal, but professional. It hits so many of my self worth issues, my self-hatred and fear. So its an odd combination of feelings.
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