When I hear people whispering about reading 50 Shades of Grey, and how itâ€™s so extreme and pornography, I really want to bash my head repeatedly against my desk. However I am not about to out myself to these people so I grind my teeth and say nothing. Now I havenâ€™t read the book, but the bits I have either read or heard, well soft core erotica at best, badly written soft core erotica. As for the so called stern Master, I get the feeling, one stern word and heâ€™d be on his knees in a second. And the heroine, seriously what is wrong with this womanâ€™s nervous system if one smack with a riding crop has her crying out in pain. Of course the reality of a hard whipping would never sell, it isnâ€™t romantic and titillating. And that is what this book is, titillation for the masses. It is what it is, Iâ€™m just tired of hearing about it spoken of like it is something different. End rant
Next rant, ok itâ€™s not even a rant, itâ€™s a niggle, a pet peeve, a this is totally understandable, realistic and will never change, but I want to bitch about it anyway. When I was living with Sue she was really interested in our multiplicity, she asked a lot of questions, and learnt to tell us apart, and originally we thought really accept us. But it was almost like, although she knew when Sarah was out, or that Datyn was the only one that drunk milk in her coffee, we werenâ€™t separate people, we were just all Shire but with different names. An example, when sheâ€™d see us at the cafe at University and come over to join us, sheâ€™s see our coffee, sheâ€™s know it was Datyn, sometimes calling her by name, but also knowing that Datyn didnâ€™t like anything to do with school, didnâ€™t go to school, didnâ€™t want to know anything about school, Sue would then sit down and start talking about it, did we get our assignment back, what was the lecture about, what was our understanding of Vygotsky. Now Datyn might have wanted to tell Sue to fuck off, and if she had would have probably had a lot of backing from others, but back then, and even to a degree now, we has some major compliance issues, so instead she would switch out, and the school related person would come back. (This was on good days when system protocols were working effectively). Of course it meant Datyn lost her time, and the other person didnâ€™t get the down time they needed, and no one got to enjoy the cappuccino, but we were compliant little bunnies and gave Sue what she needed.
Nowdays it still happens. Not as extreme maybe, and not as unchallenged. And yes, in a lot of cases it comes from people that donâ€™t even know we are multiple, let alone have any understanding of what that means. I mean, if at the end of the day, seeing that we are alone, Melanie decides sheâ€™s the one that will take over, get us to the bus stop and then home, all fine and good, if at the last moment, another student jumps on the elevator, and starts talking about the Masters, itâ€™s not their fault really, that Melanie has to do the shift change to someone that either has the answers, or the ability to bullshit through the conversation. Itâ€™s not that personâ€™s fault, we canâ€™t really be angry with them, but yeah we do. Itâ€™s unfair of us, but itâ€™s just so frustrating, and itâ€™s a blatant reminder of how alone we feel. When the same sort of thing happens for those that know we are multiple, or people that are also multiple, the frustration increases. Again to be fair, we canâ€™t really blame them. We are good at keeping our identities hidden, too many years living in enemy territory to just give up that habit, but we are trying. So when someone comes online, and says â€œheyâ€ we donâ€™t respond â€œHi this is such and suchâ€. So when the conversation starts and we scramble to find the appropriate person and get them in place, it isnâ€™t the other personâ€™s fault, we really have no right to be angry with the, even though we often are. And yeah I know about a third of these people would understand if we were to tell them, they would either change the subject to something else, or if it was important but not urgent, send an email or ask to leave a message.
And its not that we have issues with people wanted to speak with certain ones of us. In fact thatâ€™s the opposite, that makes us feel recognised and accepted. If youâ€™ve just been to an amazing art exhibition and ask to speak to Carrie, or you say â€œdid Felena see that danceâ€ then it shows that you see that these people are individuals, I know shit all about art, I go, yeah itâ€™s pretty move on, Carrie can sit for long stretches just looking at one picture, and often to me, they are so not pretty. Talk to me about art and I will nod and go uhhuh until Carrie slides in in front of me, leaving us both feeling resentful and frustrated. If however, the same person would say â€œhey is Carrie around I want to talk artâ€ I would happy relinquish my place, or if Iâ€™m busy say â€˜give me a fewâ€™ but in the end we would both end up feeling acknowledged, accepted and visible. It seldom happens though. End pissy-rant.