Was talking to a friend today and made myself realise just how many food rules we have. I knew of some of course, but when it came down to actually talking about them, I realised we had a damn lot. We have a lot of food issues, this is outside of the whole being fat and eating to become consciously… (more…)
I haven’t really journalled for a while. It just seemed too much effort to pull myself out of the gloom to be part of the world, even if that world was just an online journal. I’ve been isolated and shut down for a few weeks, I need to start addressing that since I’ve put everything on hold, including my Masters… (more…)
There’s that commonly held theory that if you know your crazy thinking is crazy then you can’t actually be crazy, but I don’t know. Can you be psychotically delusional but still know your delusions aren’t true? Since yesterday I keep getting caught in this belief that I’m toxic, that if I get too close to someone, or god forbid touch… (more…)
The amazing thing about having this meltdown right now is in these moments between devastation, when it just hurts, I can remember I used to live like this constantly. This used to be my norm. God how did I survive? Sounds melodramatic, but that’s all I can think. Recovery is a slow process, so it can be hard to see… (more…)
Total freak out and melt down. Someone said something about me and the smell of cigarette smoke, which was probably completely accurate but I do actually wonder what was the whole point of saying it. I don’t really think that the person was trying to be hurtful, but really is there any real point in saying to someone, you stink.… (more…)